You Have to See Yourself First

I’ve recently found myself in several different groups talking about barriers. Not unusual for me when I’m with a client, but we were exploring our own barriers. I was focusing on two different situations where I wasn’t moving forward. These felt unrelated. But then it occurred to me that the thing they had in common was visibility. This was surprising to me, because I’ve been putting myself out there in blogs, podcasts, and other speaking opportunities for quite a while now. I realized that maybe I wasn’t entirely visible to myself. And then it clicked. You have to see yourself first, before other people can see you.

 

It Starts With Me

It’s the same with other aspects of relationships – to be loved for yourself, you need to love yourself first. To get respect, you need to respect yourself. Obviously, in order to be seen clearly, you need to see yourself first. I spent a little time thinking about this. How do I figure out who I really am, without external feedback for confirmation or contrast?

 

It’s All About Perceptions

Maybe my perception of myself isn’t what other people experience at all. What would that mean? But then I reminded myself that it’s highly unlikely that any two people would have the exact same perception of a person, an event, or themselves. Because the perceptions are based on a group of subconscious beliefs. And we get those beliefs based on life experiences. So there will probably always be differences between people. Others’ perceptions will never be mine. There isn’t some “real” me in that respect.

 

What Will I Find?

If I’m going to model visibility for others, I need to get clearer on seeing myself so that I am aligned. And the more clarity I get, I’m pretty sure the more places I’ll find to give myself a little grace. And hopefully suspend judgement. I can be in my head “too much”. I can rely on logic “too much”. “Too much” according to whom? Who judges how much is “too much”? So a reframe would be useful. I rely heavily on logic. True. And also I’d like to shift. Logic is great but so is intuition and speaking from the heart.

 

How To Look?

Maybe paying more attention to when and why I’m spontaneous would give me some insight. Maybe asking others for a key word or phrase they think applies to me would be helpful, even though that would be external perceptions. Sometimes it can be useful if someone holds up a mirror for you.

 

It’s A Journey

I don’t have the answers – I’m still processing the question. I think it will take a while. And I’m not in a hurry. It’s something to ponder in quiet moments. I’d love to hear back if any of you have found helpful ways to see yourself clearly.

 

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