The world is experiencing so much pain, despair, and cruelty right now. Is it okay to feel good? It’s hard to know what can be done to help. It doesn’t feel right to be happy, when so many are suffering. And yet most of us know that it doesn’t serve ourselves or the people around us to be overwhelmed with grief, anger, or outrage. I’m going to share my strategy. Maybe it will be helpful to you.
Common human priorities.
As divided as we all seem right now, I remind myself that people generally want the same basic things. Maslow identified these in one way, others have added to or redefined these over time. But we all generally want the following:
- Survival: the ability to feed, clothe, and shelter ourselves and our loved ones.
- Safety: this includes physical safety as we go about our lives, but also the sense the we have certain freedoms and rights as human beings and can expect others to honor these.
- Connection: feeling part of a larger group.
- Respect: both respect for ourselves and feeling like others respect us.
- Fulfillment: the sense that we contribute in ways that are meaningful to others and resonate with us.
Because each of us is different, we have varying ideas about how to feel like these needs are being met, so the solutions will look different. But the goals, at their core, are very similar.
Perception is reality.
I also remind myself that people interpret events and people (including themselves) through the lens of their subconscious. The beliefs that reside there were acquired, for the most part, by the time we were seven years old. We don’t necessarily agree with them consciously or even know what they are. But they are our default system. These subconscious beliefs determine what we think is safe, what behavior we think is acceptable, what people’s intentions are, and how we react to pretty much everything in our lives. These different perceptions help explain why we see situations in such very different ways.
Your brain wants to prove you are right.
There are lots of voices telling us what is “really” going on in the world. When we hear ideas that support our perceptions, those resonate with us. These can amplify fear. They can offer ways to help us make sure our welfare is not in jeopardy. And there is comfort in hearing that others feel the same way. The brain searches through all the data in the world and filters out what is not pertinent. (That’s a good thing – we wouldn’t be able to process everything out there.) Part of the way it filters is to find information that supports what we believe, so we are getting “proof” that we are right on a regular basis.
Law of Attraction
I happen to believe in the Law of Attraction – that whatever we focus on we get more of. So if we focus on lack, we get more. You may have noticed that if you’re having “a bad day”, many things seem to go wrong for you. You can just as easily have a good day where everyone you interact with is pleasant and helpful. I have seen many people who don’t believe there is enough [fill in the blank – could be money, time, clients, buyers, potential romantic partners – anything you feel is lacking]. If their subconscious doesn’t believe it’s there, they won’t see it and can’t attract it into their life. If you believe there is more than enough of that out there, it will start showing up in your life. Likewise, if you focus on all the misery in the world, you will see more and more evidence of that.
Impact on self and beyond.
I like the feeling I have when I’m focused on what is going well or on what a solution could be, vs. what disturbs me or what a problem is. In my vocabulary, I have a higher frequency when I do that. I feel lighter and happier. And here’s the thing, when I’m feeling better, the people I interact with feel better. There’s a ripple effect. It doesn’t serve the world to be distraught or angry and to spread that out into the world. I feel it serves us all better for me to feel good. I can be aware of what is happening and look for ways to support solutions and still let joy into my life.
Do you want to let go of the guilt?
If you are tired of being exhausted by current events and truly want to let a little peace and joy in, schedule a free call here. I’m happy to answer any questions you may have.
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