Has this ever happened to you? You’re all set to enjoy something, and then somebody brings the vibe down a few notches. Or maybe the opposite happens – you’re dreading some event, and then somebody lightens the mood and actually makes it fun. Do you notice the energy around you? I do, and I am pretty intentional about keeping my mood as positive as I can. My goal is to not go below “curious”, if you’re familiar with any of the emotion charts out there.
This happened to me
I’ve been going to a great yoga class recently. There usually are 10-15 people there. It’s a gentle group, supportive and good-humored. The instructor is wonderful. I always feel better when we finish. Here’s the thing. Before the class gets started, we engage in chit chat. And I’ve noticed a pattern. One of the people has a habit of finding something to rant about before class. I don’t know what she’s feeling, but she sounds outraged about a different topic every time. Sometimes she ends up getting a couple of people to engage, but for the most part, she’s off on the subject on her own.
Not what I expected
I come to yoga looking forward to the peace I’ll find there. I find it jarring (at the least) to have this opposite energy expressed so loudly and consistently. I’ve only been in this class a couple of months. The first time I was taken by surprise and tried to write it off as an anamoly. I went through successive responses as the weeks went by: being annoyed, gently pointing out that she may be overreacting or overstating a situation, giving her a really pointed stare (my children and grandchildren call it “the look”), and finally focusing inward and trying to put a boundary between my inner peace and the discontent she expresses.
It’s probably not intentional
And here’s the thing – she’s not a “bad” person. I hear her offering to help others out, checking in on others, doing nice things for them. And yet, she’s also focused on what is wrong and terribly judgemental of the people she’s talking about.
She probably doesn’t even know
I understand that she must be terribly unhappy with her life because she apparently only sees moral lapses, ineptitude, and intentional wrong-doing all around her. What a miserable world she must live in! I’m pretty sure she isn’t even aware she does this. She might even be embarrassed if it were pointed out to her. It’s just her default groove now, like most habits and subconscious beliefs.
What are my choices?
Sometimes we find ourselves being impacted by people like this. Reacting with annoyance (or worse) brings your own vibration down. Challenging their message usually results in defensiveness at best and rarely changes behaviors or opinions. Trying to ignore them is often ineffective. What’s a person to do? The goal isn’t to change them – it’s to make yourself feel ok. So next week I’ll try sending massive waves of love in her direction – at least that will feel good to me.
What are your choices?
If this story sounds like someone you know, maybe you have other effective ways of responding. I’d love to hear them. However, if this person sounds a little too similar to yourself, you can absolutely change what you notice and make yourself happier in the process. Start small. Look for one thing that pleases you and focus on that just a bit. You might notice that you’re not as dissatisfied as you were. Expand that – start looking for more things that are “right” or “pleasing”. You may notice that the more you do this, the better you feel.
It’s up to you
You have the ability to change this yourself – why accept the lower vibrations that make you miserable? And if you have trouble shifting that focus, I can help. Book a call now and we can discuss other options.
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