I’ve gotten in the habit of thinking about boundaries as something that many of my clients want to get clearer about and either create more or strengthen the ones they have. Weak or non-existent boundaries are often a clue that the person has subconscious beliefs that they are “less than” in some way.
Clues you need more
Some ways to know that this is going on are when you see someone (or yourself):
- let others manipulate them
- have a difficult time establishing boundaries or willingly erase boundaries in order to please others
- put other people’s priorities above their own
- look for ways to make everyone else’s life easier or happier without regard to how that impacts themselves
These are usually tied to beliefs that they don’t matter, that they aren’t “enough” and that they need to expend extra effort to maintain relationships and to belong or be accepted, or that the other people are more important. These are real issues that I’ve helped people bring into balance so that they know that they deserve to have their own priorities and to enjoy their own lives too.
Clues you need less
But I started thinking about the other side of boundaries. What if your boundaries are too restrictive? What if you need less or different instead of more? I recently got some advice to spend time thinking outside the box. That conversation led me to see that sometimes, boundaries need to be expanded or removed in order to move forward in new directions.
I’d never thought of boundaries in this way before, but it’s intriguing to examine mine from that perspective. I’ve started identifying what boundaries I have that are restricting me. Sometimes these are just an opportunity to change a process. Other times these boundaries are closely connected to one or more subconscious beliefs that are limiting me.
What can you do?
We all have boundaries of some sort. Sometimes we need more and sometimes we need less. The important thing is to recognize what they are and determine if they are serving us well or not. When they aren’t, it’s time to decide what you really want them to be.
That’s the first step to creating change – decide what you really want to be true. Take a little time to think about how that would look in your life and even more importantly, how it would feel. That’s frequently something I do myself and ask clients to do – think of examples of how this would show up once the beliefs and boundaries are different.
It’s similar to what many athletes do – they envision the way they will play. It’s like practicing something in your mind. And it can be very effective.
And if that doesn’t work?
Sometimes, though, I find I need more than that to create the change I want. That’s when I use PSYCH-K® to change those beliefs to be more supportive. If you find you need that extra support, book a session with me here – I’m always happy to help!
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